a tdaxp Special Report by “Aaron”
Aaron is a Noted Beacon of Non-Partisan Sanity
While no one is being thrown to the lions, much to my dismay, it seems a number of Christians in the United States are feeling rather persecuted. Their beliefs are mocked in schools by men of pagan science and the great unwashed masses prefer to pursue greed and romance during this Holi-Day season, rather than celebrate the birth of a man dedicated scholars of equally mistranslated ancient systems of control cannot agree existed or mattered.
Let’s get a couple things straight.
– Christmas is under no more attack than Bass Fishing or Monday Night Football. No one cares about the Lord until after the presents are unwrapped. For all the faithful lined up to pray for the dismissal of activist judges and the safe return of Natalee Halloway, Christmas sales were as robust this year as any. Christmas is about giving gifts, getting gifts, getting laid, getting drunk, fighting with family, and then getting blitzed and resolving to lose weight, quit smoking, go to church more and have fewer unwanted pregnancies next year. If Christmas is under attack by anyone, it’s commercialism, and I doubt there will be a Justice Sunday protesting holiday opportunism by Wal-Mart and anyone else who makes a buck off the rape of Christianity’s founder.
There are some wackos out there who want Nativity Scenes taken down. But there are wackos out there blowing up abortion clinics, too. You won’t hear Al Franken or Rhandi Rhodes talking about them, though, as if they’re some sort of organized campaign (though they clearly are). But to hear O’Reilly or Limbaugh talk, Democrats and ACLU members are kicking down crosses and burning Baby Jesus, marching to Stalin’s drum. There’s no organized campaign to destroy Christianity. There is a campaign for equal representation. Your religion is exclusive to every other. Just like every other religion is exclusive to yours. Would the Jezalots complain if someone wanted the Star of David taken down, or the Moslem Crescent? Perhaps we should put on a Holiday program in public schools about the Road to Enlightenment the Buddhist follows? “Not in my country!” you howl, Budweiser held aloft. “This country was founded by Christians!” Wrong. I could quote Jefferson and Franklin and a number of others, but you’ve seen that debate before. You know you’re in the wrong, and no amount of clinging to a biography written 3 lifetimes after someone’s death will change that.
The point to it all is “get your mystic bullshit off my public property.” Muslims, Buddhists, atheists, secular humanists, communists, homosexuals, legal immigrants and corporations own every building financed by taxes in this formerly great country. Therefore they deserve equal representation, or at the least, no exclusively single-tracked representation. No one gives a rip they are Christian symbols. They care that it’s religious symbols at all. Your imaginary Guy in the Sky is just as important to you as it is to them. So why can’t we all get along and agree to just leave him at home when it comes to libraries and federal buildings? I guess it would take someone of Jesus’ wisdom to come to that simple conclusion. I wonder how many of the Christians would howl if the government started teaching the Native American creation story in science class? Hypocrites.
– Your misguided morality isn’t under fire from sexual deviants either. I watched with great interest as the sex education fiasco rolled through the Sioux Falls public school system. A bunch of naive parents think their children don’t know what a blowjob is or that sex without a condom might lead to pregnancy. They’ve learned enough about all that in your regular Prime-Time programming. An episode of CSI:Miami recently featured a fraternity hazing incident that involved anal sodomy. I bet Ma and Pa Fundie loved explaining that one to the kids. “That’s what them Democrat Faggots do, Billy. Now go read yer Bible before the Knoxville race comes on.” If you people are so concerned about the inappropriateness on TV, campaign against police dramas and the talentless whores on American Idol. Turn your children onto PBS or the History Channel and open their eyes to the damage caused by ignorance and intolerance over the bloody and terrible reign of Christianity. Or turn the TV off and interact with the product of your blessed union. Educating and caring for your child used to be what parents do. Now they just work to pay themselves to death for the junk they don’t need and divorce when they can’t take the pressure.
– Local ignoramus with a keyboard, “Sibby”, wants everyone to know what Planned Parenthood’s agenda really is. His claim seems to be that they want your children engaging in oral sex and anal sex and having orgies. Newsflash, Sibby. The same reason you got off on your Dad’s stolen Playboys is the reason kids figure out that Tab A goes into Slot B. It’s called hormones, and no one needs to teach Dick and Jane how to make babies. The kids don’t need Planned Parenthood to teach them that. But what Planned Parenthood or a realistic sex education program can teach the kids is that abstinence, while unlikely to happen or endure, is the only safe sex, but when the hormone lid blows, there’s some things you can do to avoid the risk of pregnancy or the spread of disease. Teaching them otherwise would be inappropriate and sad, but it’s exactly what these misguided mystics want. Their Utopia is sexless but full of violent police drama and a lot of turning left whilst accelerating. I highly doubt Sibby waited until he was married to make love to a woman for the first time, but if he did, fair play to you, sir. If not, I hope the dirty damn hippies of yesteryear taught you about proper precautions and maybe some alternatives to seeding the baby beanfield. I really have a hard time believing that Planned Parenthood or the Sioux Falls School Board’s ultimate goal is to have kids having kids. I think anything but. But to hear some blinder-sporting folk tell it, their perversion knows no bounds.
I have a lot more to say about the misguided attempts by Christians to make my life better, but let me close with saying this: Our country was founded by people hoping to escape religious persecution. It went on to become the greatest country in the world. Why don’t you all leave, form a new one where you’re free to practice your caveman beliefs, and in 200 years, kick our Heathen asses? While you’re gone, I’ll be reveling in the reality of violence, pre-marital sex, taxes and everything else nature intended. I just thank your God that my parents had the smarts to tell me to watch my mouth when the other guy is a lot bigger, keep my kidmaker from needlessly ruining my life early, and doing what makes everyone a better person: not forcing my beliefs on anyone else. You’re free to live in a delusion. Don’t legislate it onto my kids, my public spaces and my Constitution.