The People Powered Revolution… will be crushed!

In spite of a large advertising budget that focused on warmth, kindness, and the Cornhusker Way…

My bid for re-election was cruelly thwarted by a former apparatchik who seized the reigns of power from me. Said apparatchik was supposedly only running for Vice President, but applied for the top (that is, my) job at the last moment. Though I discovered this late, some quick-thinking led me to write myself in for VP too (just in case), a position I “won” as said former aparatchick defeated yours truly by two votes.

A grievous development, I know. But I promise not to let the foolish “will of the people” stand between my people and their Great Father. As Yanukovych returned to Ukraine, so shall I return in glory!

Bwa ha ha!