The Real Reason that Robert Gates is the new Secretary of Defense

So Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has resigned. Thomas Barnett, Igtanius Chirol, Jason Heppler, Peter Howard, Mark Levin, Michelle Malkin, Sean Meade, and others are commenting. But they are ignoring the real reason that Robert Gates is becoming the new Defense Chief

Because Gates realizes that on Saturday, November 11th, the University of Nebraska – Lincoln’s Huskers are going to destroy Texas A&M.

Bob Gates is the woebegone President of that University — a school destined to suffer defeat at the hands of our incoming Big 12 North champion team. It’s clear what’s going on: Bob wants to put as much distance between himself and his school’s “football team” (more like soccer-playing collection-of-slackers). The Huskers are coming on. The President of A&M is gone.

Behind the scenes, I imagine Bob Gates’ desperation as his date of destiny with Big Red approached. He probably desperately called everyone he knew, looking, begging, for a job as soon as possible. Once the election was over, President Bush finally had a chance to check his voice mail and hear the wailings of a man who cannot possibly overcome Nebraska’s west coast offense.

So Bush decided to give him a job. Rumsfeld, a man of great kindness, sacrificed his own job to save Gates’ face.

I wonder if he will be taking the entire A&M squad with him as Deputy Secretaries of Defense… or will his polic of “cut & run” leave this students to their fate?


Update: Huskers 28, Texas A&M 27.

8 thoughts on “The Real Reason that Robert Gates is the new Secretary of Defense”

  1. Good luck. College Gameday is in Fayetteville Saturday, watching us kill some Volunteers. (not literally – we leave the bar fights to their starting players)

  2. If Webb takes Virginia, I will come to Lincoln to take you and Fei out for celebratory pizza, beer and roustabouting.

    It's only fair, as you bought victory pizza in 2000 and 2004.

    Welcome to the pizza-laden Reid-Pelosi economy.

  3. I say you could expect me next Saturday night. This weekend (11th/12th) came too short a notice and I would get there too late to have any fun on Friday the 17th.

    Only one person can expect more certainty in getting a visit as a result of this election, and his name is Osama.

  4. Aaron,

    Sweets. I'll need to give you my cell (yes, I've re-entered the 20th century).


    Clearly, you misunderstand our psychological sportsfare ploys:-)


    What else might one do for the Editor of the Blogosphere? 😉


    Best of luck!

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