A long morning
by tdaxp ~ February 24th, 2007
At about 4:30 AM we received a call from the hospital that dad’s heartbeat had become erratic.
My mom went in immediately. I waited until 6, woke my sister, and brought us both in.
Around seven o’clock, a priest arrived from the Cathedral. He gave dad the Anointing of the Sick.
At 8:30 I went back to the house and returned with my girlfriend.
Noon saw a hospice nurse talk to. Unlike the neurologists and the intensive care nurses, who were consistently helpful, informative, caring, and nice, the hospice worker revealed neither competence, nor intelligence, nor honesty. Care which she described as “identical” turned out to be not at all identical (apparently in her mind, having a nurse check in every ten minutes and having a nurse check in every twenty-four hours comprise identical care). Likewise, her view on treatment of pain is too infuriating to write at this time.
Our meeting was interrupted, however, as dad’s heart rate became less stable. As we stood and sat around him, we told stories and spoke our love for him. While dad’s body failed, the “recovery” I have written about (I, II, III, IV, V) continued, and dad entered a persistent vegetative state. The space between breathes grew from twenty seconds, to thirty, to forty. (I counted.)
The clock reached one. It was two weeks to the minute since we spoke on the cell phone.
Then there was the last breath.
I think this is your...
March 1st, 2007 at 12:00 am
Kevin,
A year ago, I wouldn't have thought that I could write a comparative acute hospice review. It's not a subject anyone once first- or second- hand knowledge of. (I am not sure which would be worse.)
In Sioux Falls, Avera's is superior to Sioux Valley / Sanford. Sanford is a larger institution which is set up for a greater variety of ailments, but Avera's had a large number of very caring nurses, right their, in the hospice ward. Sanford's on-site hospice is an adjunct of intensive care, though inconveniently far away from it, where (according to the hospice worker) you will be checked on once a day.
While I know he would have wished his life to be a week or two shorter, my grandfather (very, very alert to the end) was well cared for by Avera's kind staff. And fortunately, we had an advocate among the RNs, and my father was able to pass well cared for. I cannot thank that man enough.
I wished so much for my dad to wake up. But I think it is better to sleep than to be in a place like that for long, in pain, and know where it is.
God bless you as well, and may he keep you loved and well,
Dan
February 26th, 2007 at 12:00 am
I'm sorry to hear about your father. Take care of yourself, and come back when you're ready.
February 28th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Thank you.
March 1st, 2007 at 12:00 am
Dan,
You are in my prayers, I spent a whole month in 2005 watching a hospital ignore my Mother untill she was beyond hope, and then I had to deal with the incompetance of “the best hospice in town”. My heart goes out to you.
When/if you feel like talking to a stanger who has been through something similar, and having someone to vent to. feel free to email. Venting and ranting may erase the pain and allow the good memories of your dad to push through to their rightful, primary place .
God Bless
Kevin
February 26th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Dan,
I am so truly sorry for your loss. It is difficult in ways I can somewhat understand. I was raised by my Grandfather who passed suddenly three years ago. Take some time to grieve and process. That is all I can hope to give you as advice.
You will be in my prayers.
Andrew Faltin
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
I'm so sorry.
February 26th, 2007 at 12:00 am
It is difficult to put into words the range of emotions I've experienced through this. Initially concern, then hope, then consternation, then despair. Eventually fury.
I feel great pain now, as an acquaintence of a great man lost and vicariously as a friend to his children.
Ideas of faith and justice and fairness fall apart at times like this. For some, there is solace in family or faith. For others, solace in solitude and reflection. For others, it is best to revisit the fond memories.
Your father was a kind, gentle man with a sharp mind, wit and zeal for life that refreshed those he met. I have told dozens of people who will never meet him the story of living on the beach and fighting wild dogs for his food and dealing with machete-wielding bus occupants.
Once, I called John to speak with him about some trivial matter at the apartment. Initially, however, I told him I was calling for legal help. I told him I'd run a bus full of nuns and children off the road. He said, “Aaron, for a big enough retainer, I'll make you a hero.”
He'll be missed greatly, but you know that very well.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
My condolences, Dan.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Dan,
You and your family are in my prayers and have my deepest sympathy.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Please accept my condolences for your loss.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Dan,
I'm so sorry for your loss.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Dan,
I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers go to you and your family.
-EB
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Sorry to hear about your loss. I hope your dad passed peacefully and that you and your family will be able to cope. Just remember to take it easy for awhile.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
My condolences too.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
My condolences and sympathies to you and your family for your loss.
~Steve
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
My wife and I extend our deepest sympathies to you Dan and your family. I'm very sorry for your loss.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Nobody ever knows what to say in these situations.
I'm so sorry.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Dear Dan,
Please accept my and my family's deepest condolences.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
I'm so sorry Dan. I keep my emotions buried pretty deep, but your news made tears flow. I'm sorry this has happened to such a wonderful family.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
I'm truly sorry for your loss Dan.
Hang in there.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
I will pray for you, your family, and for the repose of your father's soul.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Sorry for your loss, Dan.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
i am so sorry, Dan
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
I'm so sorry, Dan.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Truly sorry for your loss.
February 25th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Our heartfelt prayers and thoughts are with you and your family in this time of grief and loss.
(Eddie & Carey Choi)
February 24th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Dan.
There are no words that I can think of that don't seem meaningless in the face of your loss. But my thoughts are with you, and with your family.
Your father was a great man, the world is a better place because of him.