Newspapers of America


“read by the people who run the country”

1. WALL STREET JOURNAL is read by the people who run the country.

2. WASHINGTON POST is read by people who think they run the country.

3. NEW YORK TIMES is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crosswords.

4. USA TODAY is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. LOS ANGELES TIMES is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn’t have to leave LA to do it.

6. BOSTON GLOBE is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. NEW YORK DAILY NEWS is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country, and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. NEW YORK POST is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country …. or, that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country (or galaxy) as long as they are Democrats.

10. STARS AND STRIPES is read by people who make sure everyone else has the right to read whatever newspaper they want.

(Courtesy of Richardson of DPRK Studies.)

One thought on “Newspapers of America”

  1. Sounds like a joke I heard about British newspapers in Yes Prime Minister. Something along the lines of “The Guardian is for people who think they run the country, the Times is for people who really do, and the Sun is for people who don't care as long as she has big breasts.”

    It's been years since I saw that, though, so add appropriate grains of salt; better still, track that episode down and watch it.

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