Category Archives: Humor

Got You Good

U.S. to Fight Terror With Terror,” The Onion, http://www.pamolson.org/OnionTerror.htm.

Iraqi Police Use Kidnappers’ Videos to Fight Crime,” by Christine Hauser, New York Times, http://www.nytimes.com/2005/02/05/international/middleeast/05mosul.html, 5 February 2005 (from One Free Korea).

From parody…

WASHINGTON, DC—In a response to recent acts of extreme violence against Americans in Iraq and mounting criticism of U.S. military policy at home, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld announced the government’s new strategy of fighting terror with terror Monday.

“Look, in order to catch a rat, you gotta think like one,” Rumsfeld said in a grainy and degraded videotape message filmed at an unknown location and released to CNN Monday. “We’ve been pussy-footing around the war on terrorism for years. All that time, the answer was right in front of us: In order to wipe out terror around the globe, once and for all, we’ve gotta beat them at their own game.”

On the seven-minute tape, Rumsfeld is joined by counter-terrorist leaders Vice-President Dick Cheney and Attorney General John Ashcroft, each seated on folding chairs in front of an American flag. Ashcroft described some tactics the government currently uses—pre-dawn assaults on civilian targets and subjecting potential stateside traitors to psychological intimidation—as a “small step in the right direction.”

“It’s time to get this war over with,” Cheney said. “The philosopher Eric Hoffer said, ‘You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.’ Well, we’ve been observing, but finally we’ve started taking notes. We’ll have these terrorists running scared in no time.” Cheney urged Americans to “be on alert” in upcoming months.

To reality…

MOSUL, Iraq, Feb. 4 – In one scene, the videotape shows three kidnappers with guns and a knife, preparing to behead a helpless man who is gagged and kneeling at their feet.

In the next, it is one of the kidnappers who is in detention, his eyes wide with fear, his lips trembling, as he speaks to his interrogators.

“How do I say this?” says the kidnapper, identified as an Egyptian named Abdel-Qadir Mahmoud, holding back tears. “I am sorry for everything I have done.”

medium_iraqi_police_video.jpg

In the first week after the elections, the Iraqi Interior Ministry and the Mosul police chief are turning the tables on the insurgency here in the north by using a tactic – videotaped messages – that the insurgents have used time and again as they have terrorized the region with kidnappings and executions.

But this time the videos, which are being broadcast on a local station, carry an altogether different message, juxtaposing images of the masked killers with the cowed men they become once captured.

In another segment, after mentioning that Iraqi security forces had engaged in a gun battle, an Iraqi official says, as if making a grim public service announcement: “This is how we will treat the people beheading you.” The video then showed what appeared to be a body covered by a sheet.

But seriously, this is a great step forward.

Iraq is fighting a civil war against Ba’athist and Salafist terrorists and the Sunni Arab tribes that support them. Iraqi knows what impresses these thugs; we know what makes them think they are men. For years the world has been listening to the Ba’athi-Salafist language of violence. Now our allies have are speaking that language.

Free Iraq is the balance. A free Middle East is in the balance, and because we have bringing this freedom Americna strength is in the balance. Iraq is treating these anti-Iraqi terrorists like the non-persons they are.

Good.

Doll on the Run

Military In The 21st Century,” by Thomas P.M. Barnett, CSPAN, http://www.fromtheedge.us/Psychological/Barnett%201.htm.

Toymaker says man in hostage photo looks like action figure,” Associated Press, http://www.newswatch50.com/news/world/story.aspx?content_id=4BF90176-4C5C-4A82-BD32-3C7E2ED2B293, 1 February 2005 (from Drudge Report).

Not everybody can handle the content flows. Good example – Barbie the Doll was kicked out of Iran about 2 years ago. Barbie had infiltrated Iranian toy stores through the connectivity of global retail. She began appearing on shelves. The Mullahs called her Trojan horse of western influence. They created Sarah, moon faced doll, covered head to toe in black cloth. Put her next to Barbie on the shelf. Sarah did not sell like hotcakes so Barbie got a sort of a fatwa issued against her. Detain Barbie wherever you see her was the order. Barbie became, for all practical purposes, a doll on the run

If somehow a terrorist was killed in the making of the picture, I doubt he’d qualify as a “martyr.”

Will the Muslims vs. Dolls Holy War never end? How many more toys must be removed from their original packaging? Oh the plastic facsimile of humanity!

Update: Coming Anarchy and South Dakota Politics pick up the story.
– tdaxp 2 February 2005

The Hallway

‘The Hallway’ on WuzzaDem,” by “John,” WuzzaDem, http://wuzzadem.typepad.com/wuz/2005/01/the_hallway_on_.html, 11 January 2005 (from The Corner).

A hilarious parody of NRO’s The Corner..

BREAKFAST [Wuzz]
Had oatmeal this morning, used milk instead of water. Makes it a little more creamy, and, I suspect, more nutritional.
Posted at 10:29 AM

RE: BREAKFAST [JFW]
Pop-Tarts for me – and don’t you mean “nutritious?”
Posted at 10:32 AM

BAD MORNING [John]
Damn! I buy brand new pair of shoes with a deep, waffle-style sole, and the first time I walk out of the house with them on my feet, I step right into a…

Read it! Read it! Read it!